Tuesday, September 14, 2010

A stranger, an old whore and a city to die




I am going to tell you a story. I guess that makes me the narrator. I always like being the narrator. Because then I can be god. I can be omnipresent, in and around my characters, my protagonist. It is appeasing to see the dilemma of my protagonist, his tears, his amused smile, because he has no idea how it’s going to end, his story is going to end. I am the one who peels it skin by skin.

It’s late in central Calcutta. Shovabazar traffic is thin. The street lights sprayed its orange light on the rain washed streets. The uninhabited Rajbari cries silently in the nostalgia of its lost grandeur. The rikshawallas were sleeping in the shadow of their hand-pulled rickshaw to find peace in the darkness of its shadow. Mongrels tired of fighting over the city roughage also curled up to hide their face under their half filled bellies. Chotka is again drunk today, sat by the lamppost singing songs of Dev Anand and Uttam Kumar. And I stand on top of those depilated buildings of English-era that serves as slum in today's world. Its high ceiling rooms partitioned by cheap cardboard to give them fake privacies often violated by the small holes at the edges.

But they don’t concern me as I stood on the roof and saw my protagonist down on the street. In the stillness of the night, he walked with a hunger in his eyes. Such was the longing that it showed as pain on his face. His pale face and his black eyes. He walked carefully avoiding the glare of the street lights, as if the light intrudes his dark inner privacy. His long overcoat scraped the dirt of the footpath, making noise as if a snake slithered.


"Ohh look who is sad, should I make you happy", she snickered.

She was squatting under the closed shutters of the Homeopathic shop. Hidden in the darkness she was witnessing the nakedness of the city under the neon lights.

He stopped for a bit to find the source of sound. And abruptly without raising his face, he quickened his pace.

She smiled at herself. It was Monday night. Less business. Apparently most of them are religious enough to abhor non-veg and women for 1 day. They thought that made god happy. If only god cared.

But the nervousness in his eyes betrayed him. She could sense he needed her. She has got her prey for the night.

"It is indecent to ignore a lonely woman in such a dark night", she shouted back.

He turned and looked at her for the first time.
The kajal and the foundation did a very bad job hiding the visible wrinkles of the onset of old age. The red lipstick, the kind they sell on local trains was smudged at the corner of her lips that now smiled broadly at him. The thinning hair overflowed behind her.

Her fake chiffon, with the silver glitter was like a distant city skyline of high-rises. The deliberately pulled down sari oozed out her ample cleavage, where the sweat and talcum made ripple patterns as if to camouflage her identity.

"It’s a very dark city, the kind that kills you. Kids like you shouldn’t be roaming around alone. Let me invite you to my place, it’s just around the corner”, she declared mockingly

"No thank you, please don’t bother me", he tried to squeeze out the words so it does not betray his growing pain.

The hunger was not spreading throughout his body. The pale skin felt like parched earth in mid July summer in Gujarat.

An uncontrollable giggle erupted from her, echoing in the darkness around her.

"Am I bothering you? I don’t think you are roaming in the darkest alleys of Calcutta in the dead of night, in search of god"

She regretted it as soon as she said. She can’t afford to lose his only hope of income. If she doesn’t pay Rana da in the morning, he will again beat her. For the past few months she is losing deadlines. Maybe old age is forcing her into early retirement.

"I like you kid. Tell you what. I will give a discount rate. Come with me. Haven’t you heard some sick man is killing off beggars and lepers on the street? This city is drowning in blood and filth"

This time he sniggered.

"This city is not drowning in blood. It is getting drained of blood"

He could smell her blood, gushing though her veins like a whirlpool. He could almost feel the warmth of her body engulfing him.

But he knew he could not do it. Those beggars were different. When he looked into their eyes for the last time, he could see the gratitude they felt of being relieved of this punishment of life. He just helped them, but I guess people don’t understand that.

But she is different. She is fresh; there is something about her that repeatedly says she has not lost hope on life. She is the warrior-kind.

"You cannot satiate my hunger. Leave me alone", he was getting tired of his efforts to save her from himself.

"Is it so? Kid. There is no hunger in a man which I can’t fulfil. When after a day filled with hypocrisy, men comes to this underbelly of the city, I have fulfilled their true animal hunger"

"What if I say, I want to slowly dig my fangs in on the soft and moist skin, below you ears, and drain you of every bit of life you have inside you. SO that you are left behind as a dry and lifeless body and a bad aftertaste in my mouth.” he sniggered.

"Hah! You have to pay me double than. My aftertaste is worth it", she tried to be bold, to hide the uneasiness building inside her.

"You don’t get it do you? None of you humans ever get it. I did not kill them; those amputated pathetic creatures, which you "humans" shunned out of your brightly lit high-rises. I just sucked their life out of them because it fulfilled my hunger of blood and their hunger of death"

The horror slowly descended in her eyes. The first beads of perspiration started to appear from nowhere on her forehead. He could sense the slight shifting of her foot, which looked like as if she was floating away from him.

He smiled satisfyingly, he liked predictable people. Who feared him and loathed him. He liked to act monster in a world of monsters.

She did try her fair chance to run, but no one can really run away. I saw as he dug his fangs on her soft flesh. I also saw the first trickle of blood from the corner of his lips. I did not missed to see the teardrop rolling down his cheek, because he knew he liked her, he knew she did not deserved it.

But still he could not let her go. Maybe he too was selfish. Maybe there is a little bit of human hypocrisy in every vampire.


P.S : Before u judge me, I would like to mention that I am trying to write in a new kind of fiction which has active narration, as in the narrator is the part of the story and also some dark sarcasm. Hence I felt pretty awkward writing it out of my comfort zone and cant quite judge the quality of it....So i request the junta to let me kno dere honest opinions in the comment section :)

Btw sorry for being such lousy and irregular regarding my post.....its not dat i am busy or sumthing...i m just plain lazy!!! :P

30 comments:

IcE MaiDeN said...

Ok I will be honest, in the middle of the story, till when I was very engrossed in your little details (did i ever say you paint a picture of Calcutta in my head sometimes, with your stories?).. I knew he was a vampire and I said, please let him be ANYTHING but a vampire. I dunno, and that's just my opinion, writing about people that can actually exist makes more sense to me than fictional creatures with fangs. Leave that to the likes of Meyer (and ofc you can see I am NOT a twilight fan :) :P)

I was kind of hoping, he would be the complicated guy you normally create in your stories, a human being, who was driven to kill. I choose crazy over vampires anyday ;)

Cheers,
Annie.

bondgal_rulz said...

Tell me this is not inspired from Twilight!!

Beautiful play with words. As always.

Was predictable, but enjoyable. :)

Cheers

suruchi said...

Hey a post...a post...finally!
And since when are u afraid of being judged Bucking?

Before I as lady Junta, can give u an honest opinion, lemme re-read it!
You said u felt awkward writing this out of your comfort zone...but i felt this was very much a part of the characteristic writing that you do!

The intricate detailing of characters’ appearances...the backdrop...the cold dark sarcasm n digs...
The twist into a shallow n pensive world...
And u do it better than anyone I know, who does fiction...

It is as intriguing as some of your previous posts...
Makes me wanna read n read...
Though the vampire thing in the end took me a bit abruptly...
But nothing could quite change the taste of a good read that I feel every time I come to ‘’tears n rain”

I love it!
P.S.1 Please do keep writing n not be such a lazy ass!*no puns made on your rear side btw*:-)
P.S.2 I so marvel at your knowledge of cheap lipstick n chiffons n the like;-)

Bikramjit Singh Mann said...

WEll I find this story immensly gripping and fantabulous...

And i do hope there are people like the protagonist of your story who can clean up the mess of our society , I know it sound CRUEL but I have the same feelings as the hero in the story.

The digs and the sarcasm set the tone of the whole story .. bad luck for the women to have picked up the wrong person..

and MONDAY i thought its the TUESDAY

I liked the story dont know if my comment has done justice to it .. but keep writing and people like me will come again and again to read it ...

Bikram

blunt edges said...

You know how in the middle of a story, you start guessing the end. And I was thinking it would be a mentally deranged guy who thinks he's a vampire (Crazy I know!)

Great narration nevertheless. And totally love the way you describe Calcutta in your posts. You make it sound like a surreal place.

Final judgement: Respect!

Madhu said...

hey..u did this utterly brutally well {though the adjectives do not go with my feeling..:P] Calcutta at its best..u know?? Even now, the word clacutta reminds me about that bride u had written about..:)

U rock mister...Hnds down!

Dee said...

I read this straight after seeing an episode of "Vampire Diaries" [don't judge me!!]. The vampire part was predictable, and as ice maiden and blunt edges said, I was hoping the guy would be anything but a vampire!

That aside, I love the way your words can provide the reader with such rich visual imagery. Good job!

pal said...

Good attempt. Can see power in your words. Keep writing.

eNiGmA said...

u knw wht... ur first paragraph was so captivating that u win the prize in the first para itself... and then the story... it was definitely a gud attempt... calcutta in your words as usual was again gripping.... and u have an art.... u can play with words....keep playing!!!

Unruly Rebel said...

well well...i am first time visitor on your blog, i just liked it too much and i mean it wen i say too much...just a opinion in case you dont mind,change the color of font, its too dull to eyes (homo sapien eyes i insist)
and your bloger name its just f*ckin owsom... :)
and yeah baout the post, was a bit long but was damn interestin, you dont miss even the slightest of details... :)


Namit,
My SPacE- Wen i was a boy

sm said...

well written

bebo ♥ said...

I like :-)

buckingfastard said...

@annie and all with same disappointments:

annie!! thank u...thank u....and thank u loads...ur critique seriously helped a lot!!

actually my fault was i mentioned the word "vampire" at the end of my story...which i dint anywhere thruout...he necessarily is not a vampire...but i just wanted to potray him as something else than human....coz if he was a human...however deranged he be...he could not see how pitiful humanity is....so just to portray the abnormality of humanity...i made my protagonist something non-human...and i imagined him to be vampire..

i guess i could convey that meaning in my story...and thanks for pointing out that shortcoming...will help me keep it in mind next time :)

buckingfastard said...

@bondgal: ohh cummon....u can say it was inspired from dracula...inspired from "interview with a vampire" but not at all from TWILIGHT...where is the link...my vampire is not even goodlooking sparkler!!!

buckingfastard said...

@suruchi: OHH i m not afraid of being judged....just of being falsely judged :/

naah!!! i cant change my writing style...but i felt awkward coz i changed my story telling style...and it feels same as before to u...dan its a huge compliment for me for all i care!! :D

soo thanks for loooving it...and yea...trying hard to get an active ass!!! :P


shhh...the intricate knowledge of chiffon and lipstick comes from the creepy stalking dat i do around the city in terms of research!!!

buckingfastard said...

@bikramjit: thank you loads for liking it :)

well feelings of my protagonist is pretty much my feelings...so it does not makes u sound cruel...atleast to me...dunno abt others...we are in the same boat man!!

thankgod...the sarcasm was not too over the top nor too bland!!

BTW...is it tuesday dat side...for us its monday :P

it is a bliss to have comments praising efforts...it has done more than justice....

buckingfastard said...

@blunt bro: ohh calcutta is a surreal place alright atleast for me...means u have to love the dirt and filth to see the beauty under it :)

and abt that vampire part...i hope o answered ur query in annie's reply !!

buckingfastard said...

@madhu: "brutally well" just the adjective i was waiting for...goes totally with my feelings atleast :D

my one fiction reminds u of my another fiction....tell u dats one helluva honour to deal with...thnkss!!

buckingfastard said...

@dee: VAMPIRE DIARIES....ohh yes i AM judging u...but anyways for each his/her own :P

i love to imagine my characters and so want to convey that image to my readers...if i did that..i m happy

abt dat vampire part...i answered it already :)

buckingfastard said...

@pal: thanks!! and welcome to my blog!! :D

@enigma: haha...thnks for the over the top praises...and yes..i plan to keep playing with words...dey are pretty helpful :)

buckingfastard said...

@unruly rebel: hey welcome to my blog!!! :D and thnks for liking it soo much...makes my day seriously :)

yea abt that white background...actually my background image server is not down...hence it was showing white...hope i get it all fixed in few days!!!

yea..length has been a problem with my fictions...but trust me i too hate loong fictions and try to keep it as short as required :)

buckingfastard said...

@sm:thanks :D and welcome!!

@bebo: glad u liked...welcome to my blog too :)

Bikramjit Singh Mann said...

Thanks for the lovel yreply.. No its same day as yours here too.. i made a joke in your story it says Monday night and the post came on tuesday :) thats all ..

I am jsut 5:30 hrs behind your time :) thats all

Bikram

Arnav said...

Good narration , as already said very captivating beginning ..Till the middle of the post , I was completely engrossed , the end could have been different.. Like some one suggested crazy murder of some sort would have been better .
Apologies if I am being blunt but I am just giving my honest opinion :)

The West Wind said...

First of all Hi.. I m back here after a long long time.
Good to see a post from you. Nice scheme, great narration. I agree with most of the people that it was predictable.. but to enjoy a story it isnt always necessary that it should be unpredictable.. Just savoring the flavor is great too..
As for the vampire part.. I think it was nothing like Twilight.. there was frenzy love affair :P
I think it was a great storyline.. and I loved it how you paid attention to every little detail..
I complaint however is that.. it ended too soon :P
On a serious note, I think there is no major shortcoming here, other than the fact that you could have twisted it a little bit in a way that it would have been more mysterious for the reader.. (my mind playing games)

Arshat Chaudhary said...

You are a master at telling stories... It is a gift..
Please do write more often. :)

Surreal said...

I loved your new style, where the narrator seems to be a part of the story. Loved the story too. It looks very real. :)

buckingfastard said...

@Arnav: Sorry for the late reply!! i was off my blog!!

Thank u soo much and thankfully it dint lost ur interest midway wich was one of my main concern!!

I appreciate u being blunt..that seriosly helps...but i hav explained my perspective in an earlier comment!

buckingfastard said...

@westwind: hey! never mind, even i am very irregular these days...so sorry fr late reply

Yea i guess now i kno i gave away the ending too soon...coz i was trying to uncomplicate it fr the readers...

totally agree with u for the fact that the end is not the only good part of a good story :)

buckingfastard said...

@Arshat: coming from an author himself, you know how precious this compliment is!!

I guess i already failed at the part of being regular...bt am trying my level best

@Surreal: nice having u back here!! thankz..the whole point was to make it sound believable and its a relief to know it was!