Monday, December 14, 2009

Hitchhiker's guide to Hyderabad

my worst fears are realized....all dese time surrounded wid great friends i always maintained this hope that maybe I am not a loner after all....

but guess what...i am such a hardcore self absorbent bitch!!!

on the lieu of some cool sounding research project, it is my first getaway to Hyderabad...all family, no friends...just me and me..

I as usual stocked up my laptop and novels scared that I will be totally bored away frm ppl i kno...

well novels stayed untouched and most of da movies in lappy still to be seen and my trip is goin to end in 5 days...

I am soo much in love with myself that I lose myself everyday to this city to find a tired me at the end of the day.....I am finally a hitchhiker ....

I dare me to explore, I treat me, I flirt wid me(not in gayish sense!!!!!!!), I fight wid me and den again reconcile....

losing and finding me in this small by lanes and to visibly revolting street food...may surely hurt my tummy in coming days...but who cares..!!!

But apart from me dis city has been hugely exciting....and hence i would like to list some my views about Hyderabad!!!!

(**My critical views should not hurt ny hyderabadi...dey are meant to be taken as fun...and even if dey do...u dunt kno my name :D .... so u cant even sue me!! :P)

1> Whole world is troubled abt Telengana...but hyderabadis dunt even care...dey r happy go lucky long as Biriyani is dere...dey as well stay in Africa!!!

Only difference it makes to me is i cant crack my joke like:

Q> What does Hyderabadis drink??

A> AP Fizz :D

That was funny....okk dat wasnt funny...but people who found it funny lemme kno!!! ur r my tru fans!!!

2> Now lets study English.... when the word "Footpath" was used to define those thin elevated side of the road...dey had some meanin...

'foot' as in ur leg....human leg, should traverse that 'path' if it was meant for motorbikes...dey could have called it 'wheelpath' isnt it??? u see da difference!!!

3 >Now in any normal part of world a TAXI can carry 6 ppl at most comfortably......but if a tractor size auto is carrying 10-11 ppl comfortably(ummm!!!) wats da point of calling it MINI TAXI.... 11>6...get it!!!

4> The best ppl to bargain with is the auto walas.... 1st day to go to Ameerpet... I said '80' so agreed on '90'...

next day I said '60' so dey agreed on '70'

gues wat...3rd day i said '40'..dey agreed on '45'

I tried '20' da guy gave me dirty glance!!!!

5> Guess the most common shop in Hyderabad....obviously its not medicine shop...i rarely found is ...tada...liqour shop....aka 'WINE' shop( thou they mite not keep wine)

each gully has atleast 2 liqour shops....

I stay at a place called there is a Bar flanked my 2 wine shops on both!!!

6> Now i kno prostitution is bad, immoral, unethical and blah blah...but apart from that can anyone tell me how come dere r hookers on streets at 7 in the evenin....dammit....its just evenin...not even night....even there are kids in the park

Chandra Babu thout abt a gr8 idea for a cheap theme park at NTR gardens....but let us poor mortal souls rest in the cool breeze of Hussain Sagar rather than constant pestering from veiled scary!!!

7> Now I have to admit I am impressed by the bus service here...but i am greatly annoyed by da way conductor asks fr case u dont kno...every state conductor has a unique ticket calling tone....dats how dey recognize each other at Annual National Bus Conductors Meet...

well here dey was is "tiickkeetsssssssssssssss......." and dat ssss continues till u get frustrated and feel like peeing....

warnin....never board bus here if u feel like peeing....chances of a dry pant are very less :|

8> Comin back to auto walas....its funny that no auto wala here knos da places properly...hw to recognize....welll

if the autowala doesnt knos da place u told...he will give to dude-are-we-both-in-the-same-city look!!!

and if he knos...back 2 steps..coz he gets soo excited dat he as well hug u and cry!!!

9> telegu is an easy me....i had a conversation wid an autowala in telegu fr whole 10 mins....thankfully...."hmmm"(wid a deep grunt) and laughing out same fr all languages...I kept doin it alternatively...coz he was so excited talkin wid me...i dint had da heart to tell i had no idea wat he was talkin abt!!!

10> I love the cyber cafe here!!! dey are a big room wid small cubicles a wid door...only thing missing inside is some tissues and lube..... :P

u can actually listen people grunting in some cubicles....and if u come across someone else while reachin ur cubicle...i get da luk "dude...y u need a book if u r goin to watch porn"

nobody believes me dat i actually need net for my project work!!! :(

well always wash ur hands after u use those cyber cafe keyboards!!!!

11> anoder great place is da tea cafe here on every road corner!!! wid dere over priced and over sweet tea and allowed smoking inside...dey are my ideal couch fr day!!!

but in these past 10 days I fell in love wid this bitter sweet hyderabad!!!

and for da rest 5 days of my stay here....hyderbad!!! entertain me!!! :)

"To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone"

-Bob Dylan


Vishnu said...

did u go to bawarchi??
loner project in hyderbad?? u mean internship??
n ap fizz was a good 1..

Urvashi said... seems like that even though alone u had a wonderful experience in the city...Enjoy the rest of ur stay....

The conductor episode ws funny....n yeah AP fizz was a good one........... :)

bliss said...

sounds good. lone time can be fun. such times generally tell us things about ourselves we'd never know otherwise!!
other than that, Hyderabad sounds like a great city!!! good bargaining with the auto walas, although you did push your luck too far!! :P
liked all bits of it, the mini taxi, the AP fizz(although i dont think with so many 'wine' shops, ppl actually drink any other fizz there!!!), the conductor's sssssssssss. hahahah i can only imagine wat dat must be like. although, i am wondering where did the pee-in-pants thing came from? :P

blunt edges said...

cyber cafe was synonymous with watching porn around 7-8 years ago...glad 2 know it still is ;)

oh hello what's the big aversion towards hookers? its better than rape right? ;)

n dylan got it spot on there! :)

buckingfastard said...

@Vishnu: no re!! bawarchi is pretty far...o got contended wid biriyani at hyderabad house!!

its research project at central university on Image Processing...

buckingfastard said...

@Urvashi: actually maybe i had gud time coz i was alone...wid frnds its like boozing and partying till morning...

AP fizz score : 2 :)

buckingfastard said...

@bliss: bargaining makes a man perfect!!! somehow!!!

yea sum lone time sure can do gud!!!

arre there is famous theory...dat if someone makes a sound "sssssss..." for too long it orders brain to involuntarily relax ur pelvic muscles...resulting in pee!!!

AP fizz score : 3

buckingfastard said...

@Blunt: yea many years after i visited cyber cafes...and its now officially porn hub!!!!

i have nothing against prostitution... but lets just stay clear of controversy huh!!!

long live dylan!!

Madhu said...

well uve written quite some things about hyd..i place i am born and brought up in.Considering u are a first timer here,i can excuse you for overlooking many things the city has to offer. But regarding auto waalahs...u have to argue with thm to put on thier meter.In hyd no body discusses rates like the way u've done.No wonder these guys loot u...:P

Hyd is a great place.Not cauz i am staying here,its mainly because people are warm here.U dont have to work up too much to make friends.Thats wat i call this laid back city...truly a city of nawabs!! We care abt things only when it is necessary!!! Hope that commnet wasnt too long!!

Chhaya said...

i have some recious people living there..

btw, i wish u wud change the template of ur blog. its too tough to read :(

Chanz said...

eeeeewwwwwwwww... what a sick joke was that. AP Fizz... I wouldnt call it a PJ. It sucked.

Anyways, there were some interesting thigs that really caught my attention.

Yes, ofcourse. You guessed it right. Keyboards. Yuck. I can't imagine people using that keyboard. You really did that. I mean imagine a guy doing his own thing right there where you were sitting, and drops his ummmm.. u knw.. on the kyboard. It seeps inside. Gets dried and you put your hands. And ofcourse, you must have put that hand in your mouth too.. I am sure you enjoyed evry moment of it. Haha..Rotfl...

tickeetssssssssssss...... did u pee?? Hahaha...

And are you serious about prostitutes out in the open at 7. maybe I have never seen this in delhi or maybe I am too ignorant of this fact. But it really was shocking..

And does beer flow there. Just as it flows here in delhi... :P

COMMUNI said...

Whatever you say, I love hyderabad. I think you should visit Bangalore once to know your exact bargaining power. But I wonder how you managed to get into a bus while I managed to do that just 2 or 3 times in my all 7-8 months of stay at Hyd.

AP Fizz was a good PJ.If you're a foodie, perhaps you should check Paradise hotel. I just love veg-biriyani there. Anyways this was a good blog, loved reading it :)

buckingfastard said...

@madhu: (**hidin under my table) oops i had no idea u were born and brought up dere...pls dunt kill me :(

yea...i learnt it hard kolkata and mumbai auto r very fair priced...its mainly taxi wallahs who loot out here

surely ppl r gr8 out dere....i njoyed takin wid all da strangers thruout...

long comments r always more dan welcome!!

buckingfastard said...

@chayya:yea i m searchin fr a new gud template...will change it as soon as i can...!!!

buckingfastard said...

@chanz: AP fizz score: 3-1=2 :(

firstly being pretty straight myself...i dunt enjoy imagining oder guys "doing his own thing"(so vague huh!!!):D

and y da fuck will he "drop his ummm..." on da keyboard....dats physically aerobatic task...

i rest my imagination!!!

no i dint pee...coz i dint had Apee fizz before u see!!!

well dey r surely dere in delhi too...thou i doubt at 7pm...isnt it too early!!

wish beer flowed here...i wud den resume my swimmin lessons!!!

buckingfastard said...

@communi: arre i also love hyd...u ppl pls dunt make me villian of sorts!!!

in bus u da back side dere is a stair..i generally used to climb dat stair...and voila...i used to find myself inside da bus...(see wat happens wen u praise my PJ)

AP fizz score : 2+1=3 :D

paradise hotel was bit too far frm my place :(

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Came here through Orange's blog, I was expecting some serious stuff over here..but from the start to the end I have been laughing and laughing.
Enjoyed reading your post so very very much!
Seriously! It's great!
Will read more of your posts soon.

*I'm never ever gonna use a system in internet cafes. Yeah.. :~|

Since you already left Hyd,may the sweet-bitter Hyd memories be with you forever :)

An Ordinary Gal said...

u have a nice blog...Hyderabad visit seems nice..

Cheers !!

Standbymind said...

I like the picture here..
very nice!!!

Good piece!

Raghav said...

street food
and porn
free flowing alcohol

no wonder you are having fun!!

oRange* said...

mister, you've been tagged!

buckingfastard said...

@yemiledu: yay!! finally i hav a frnd whose name starts wid 'y'...yes i am weird!!!!

actually wen i started my blog i my intentions were similar abt serious stuff...but guess wat i m a hopeless clown...but nyways wait fr me to get sad fr sum sad posts :)

keep visitng and welcome(ahh its supposed to be oder way round i think)

buckingfastard said...

@an ordinary gal:

hey thnkx...and welcome to my blog...hope 2 see u around :)


thnkeeee!!!! :)

buckingfastard said...

@raghav: in my defense i went dere fr educational purposes :P

the second face said...

i missd it again...dammit...!!! u missd pune though... :P

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

The name of my blog starts with Y.

Know what? Even I wanted to write some real serious stuff when I started my blog but ended up writing all sorts of not very serious things :D

Will keep visiting you again and again....yeah stalking you :P

The unsure ascetic said...

nice description buddy! I can't Belive the cyber cafe part though. And I heard from someone that bread is called double roti there, could you bother asking them why? Thanks.
And Happy New Year!!

Chhaya said...

Happy New Year!!

gauri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gkam said...

Here I go:

1. Really? I :heart: Biryani
Joke- PJ hai yaar! :P
2. Why footpath and not Feet path?

3. 6 people????? :O
In mumbai no more than 4+1, else maamus (traffic cops) will have a field day!

4. Cool! I will remember that ;)
5. \m/ par-tay!
6. :|
7. lol!
8. guess autowallahs are lifelines of Hyd
9. hmmm.... P
10. Ewww!!! LOL
11. Cutting chai ki pyali ;)

Enjoy ur stay :)

buckingfastard said...

@yemiledu: **blushes** sumone is finally stalkin me...i m nt da only pervert :D

dammit ur name is not yemiledu...i evn plannd to call u yummyladdu...all waste!!!

buckingfastard said...

@unsure ascetic: next time if i cum down hyd..i will take u to dose cyber cafe...i dunt lie...xcept mornings and evenings..and 2-3 hrs in afternoon

double year bro!!

buckingfastard said...

@chayya: happy new year :D

@gkam:no...u can nvr call in feetpath..else u cant hop on one leg on them...dats discrimination...i luv bad logics!!

see hw smart ppl of hyderabad are travellin cramped so dere is less pollution and more sale of deo!!

Anonymous said...

hehe yummyladdu??
sounds gud..u can call watever :P

& yeah u r nt de only Pervert :D

Meenakshi said...

lol.. when i read the heading, new as I am here, I was expecting a somehwat serious account of expreiences.. and wat a pleasant surprise.. I had a nice laughing time.

PS: Guilty ; even though I pride myself to be an insane person, I never thought I would smile at the APfiZZ Joke.. I did.

Loved your blog.

buckingfastard said...

@yummyladdu: :D :D :P

@Meenakshi:hey welcome!!!

man!!! i swear da stay dere was much funnier...lovely ppl out dere in hyderabad!!

yay!!! so i can finally say my AP fizz joke is hit...u see i m not dat bad wid jokes as my frnds proclaim!! :P

keep coming!!

Manjari Singh said...

how can u forget bakeries?? I loved Karachi bakery, osmania biscuit was fab!

Rini said...

Nice post..n thanx for ur comment on my post as well...