too much...too soon

I am confused...
or maybe realised too much too soon.

a line of thought too fast to read,
or even understand.
a flickering image of something so known,
yet so vaguely dormant.


I have lost the scale of happiness,
not that I am sad.
but could I even realise that.
After all sorrows and ecstasies are same play
just different acts.


I cant remember her smell
hard I try more I fail.
all I recall is her fleeting glance
trust i lost formalities sans.


I from my morning blues,
through late afternoon and evenings too.
parting my hair is my mother's nail
a touch I know will leave someday.


I am loosing the fear of pain.
the trust in god,
also comfort of blame.
an erratic mind to comfort.
an ailing body to sustain.

-me or a looser who desperately tries to be me