Chicken Soup for the Terrorist's Soul

Terrorists.....thou not one of my favourite terms but most definitely one of the amusing terms....

Funny they are!!! Wat kind of ranks they mite have.....Asst.Terroriser, Terror commander,even...Terror-in-chief

The recent terror attacks on Mumbai had left many baffled,including me(thou the electrical machines paper da next day ws more terrifying)...but throughout a question lingered in my mind...

All through the last decade Kolkata....has been mysteriously kept out of the attacks.....why???

means cummon....arent we worthy enuf to come on national television for whole day???

dunt we want Barkha Dutt to jump around the stage praising our Kolkataites spirit??...ok i kno we dunt have any...but still...

and shudnt our very own Buddha da given a chance to quit as CM....man!! he looks 

so tired???

But no...nobody wants to terrorise us.....nobody.....ok!! Mamata Bannerjee tries sometimes.....but not upto the mark!!

So in order to improve our Terror Tourism....i would like to introduce my quick look list...dat shud be handy to Lafter-e-Tauba or Deccan-Mujrahidden(cmmn...even dat IPL team wd similar name faild miserably...think of sumthin better nxt time)

So I sincerely urge terrorists to go through my list to top 5 places that should be a

nd shouldnt be targeted if they plan to attack us:

Top 5 places to be attacked:

5>Indian Museum: Yes!! dats the one place we suggest every tourist to visit.....but

 believe me...we never visit it ourselves.....even dat forsaken mummy inside the museum is sometimes found boozin in park street...so wats da pointof having it.....blast it off!! atleast it will 

help to open up few more much required pubs...

4>Mamata Baneerjee's Residence:no no dont worry.....she wont bite you....but be careful not to get caught....all she needs to do is yell

3>Abandoned Tata factory: thou the Singur battle is long over.....nd tatas got new land in gujrat...Mamata-di got tha vote bank.....and CPM got nothin....never mind...dey never get nythin...did nyone cared to demolish the factory fr which all dis took place...so i urge da terrorist

 to do dis gud work

2>Lalbazar: translated to "Red Market"....no no...it isnt some cheap 'whore house' i m talkin abt....its actually da kolkata police HQ...yea nt much difference...i knw it.....pls blast it...atleast wil giv dem an excuse fr non perfo

rmance..

1>Writer's Building: coming close second to CIA headquarters...its a place that has mystified people for long...nobody knows 

what happens inside it...not even the people inside....and everyone is confused why its is even named so...nobody writes anything inside it afterall....

Top 5 places not to be attacked:

5>central park:well also known as lover's park......i seriously dunt have ny qualms against it....bt da point is u wont get ny free "jhari ke peeche" to hide ur RDX...its either booked by hopeless lovers....or sadists watchin those hoepless lovers...so dunt waste ur time....

4>Metro Railways: if ur sooo interested in stppin transport system...why dunt jst call a bandh...wats da point of all dis blast nd fanfare....learn fr we bongs sometimes.....

3>Alipore Zoo: recently da last two stray dogs caged inside posing as white tigers also broke out....i think its da only zoo in da world lovd by maneka gandhi....so wats da point of blasting it off....

2>Nandan:Dare u do it....ass hole....da only place i can watch movies in Dev Anand ke

 jamaane ke rates....if u do it.....i promise i will put u in 2 bak 2 bak screenin of Karzzzz....

1>Jyoti Basu's Residence: Haha!!!....fools .....he is 94 and even Mamata Banerjee cudnt kill him.....u seriosly wanna waste ur Ammo...

P.S If ur wondering why i m such a moron....it makes 2 of us...

Wrapping up in a hurry!!!

so this was it!!!

anoder semester over!!!! anoder set of 4 blissful months gt cataloged in the rusty vaults of memory to be blabbered unceremoniously in frnt of my kids

here i am wrapping it all up in a sweet overview....fr u nd fr my future kids

prologue:

haha...things were funny frm beginning.....we were taught 

pigeonhole principle:

the smaller da pigeonhole...i mean..room....more the number of ppl share it....

Rights for insects act:

no extra charges can be taken from the residing insects....and any derogatory action will be severely herpes-ecated

impossible is nothing theory:

nilabjendu and debaditya can share a single room......believe it or not.....

The revenge of Sharmili:

and u thought it was all over in 1st semester....she returned and dis time she was dumber den ever.....and with her annoying smirk,she came to teach electrical machines....she is on da verge of killing us...so if u dont get any further posts frm me.....u kno whom to blame

The Lift that was:

again u presumed we were dumb electrical engineers....with the sheer talent  and dedication we delivered a record more dan 15 times lift malfunction.......we hope we will be remembered in future and our arts will be advanced to a global scale...we  r da liftbusters

An area of darkness:

Due to some unknown reason.....this semester we faced huge power cuts before mid semester....but never mind...we were happy.....atleast we got some reason to blame our poor mid sem performances....

How the nightcanteen-wala become a millionaire:

this is in tribute of those souls who wasted there life fortune giving us treat at night canteen and wondering why dey were born on their birthday....

The Saptarshi Gas Tragedy:

The weather was sunny.....innocent students roamed the corridor unknown of da fact of the things about to follow....it was the silence before a storm...and suddenly while rotating through his own axis....saptarshi slowly but effectively discharged those potent mixture of his inner wind.... last thing we cud remember....was ppl running fr fresh air.....classes got disrupted fr da day....and saptarshi was escorted to safer confines of toilet

the 1st Semesterly GMAT diwas:

it is one day we back benchers come forward and give tribute to those GMATS who wasted their college life in search of that golden 9 point....

we kept their tradition by occupying 1st bench...and asking innocently dumb question......this event was taken by surprise to both Shamili Das and P.K Sahoo...thou Bikas Sahoo merely wondered about those new faces in da class(he suffers from Jagga-opia)....

Annual Sleep...oops...Athletic Meet:

As hilarious it may sound....our institute authorities dared to organize athletic meet and asked us to participite....ya u guessed it.....we slept all day long....

Epilogue:

15 Novemeber 2008: Remarkable day in the history of NIT Rourkela. The teachers had finally rose against the tyranny of students. The coming days will witness heavy inkshed....where students will fight a losing battle to hands of the Electrical department.....End Sem War III is about to begin....and the stage is set....

courses hav already been fired.....and if i fail in this war....i will be happy to be a failyr...bt i will fight till the end....better say till Electrical Machines paper...

Let's go to Puri!!

It all started with three words...."Let's go somewhere".....maybe said with innocence....maybe said to be soon forgotten in the rush of life....

but things somehow worked out and all i remember was payin 1000 bucks and getting all prepared for my 1st outing wid my college frnds.....as they say....it was supposed to be "LEGENDARY"....

so on gud friday nite....with a half digested chana batura in my tummy instigating my bile juices....and a unhappy parents calling me for 100th time,with all attempts to sabotage my trip....i with my 12 branch mates(we all share a common goal of no goal in life) boarded the train to Puri....

next morning i woke up to one of the most interesting day of my life.....

actually we overslept and some coolie woke us up informin dat train has long arrived at puri...and was plannin its return trip by now.....

den we bunch of 13 ppl wid smelly mouth(arre!! we dint brushed yet)...cramped into an auto and somhow managed to land at the cheapest hotel of puri.....

but sadly....they cud manage 3 rooms for 9 ppl at most....so...rest of us had to climb in over the back wall of the hotel.....

breakfast was not a problem.....the evil mithaiwala.....managed to sell sweets of 200 bucks to us....and we fools kept gulpin....until we realised we only have to pay for dis.....

and den we decided to do somethin worthful and creative....so we hit the beach.....

and though i cant give u details of what we did there...it was something as gory as the Vietnam war....and we lost soldiers returned all salty and sandy after losing the battle.....dunt blame us....waves totally outnumbered us.....

and all we cud manage was a quick bath for which i stole water frm manager's bathroom.....cant help my cleanliness conscious mates had already finished the stored water....

lunch wasnt a problem either.....we always love being at temple when it comes wid da package cheap but delicious bhog....







so by evening....we were all tired...ready for a perfect nite's sleep...haha....u kiddin me....we were ready for getting more tired.....

we managed a quick dinner of pizza...where a few chinkis....were so insistent on takin pics wid us dat we finally had to give in.....dunt giv me dat look....we both kno the truth.....

thou rest of da night was kinda blurry....jumpin over the fence...runnin down to the beach...and shouting out nonsense in the darkness of the beach...mine and Jaiswal's peeing salute to the ocean..


and in the end of night....me falling on the bed.....beside Bhushan....crackin some bad PJ's and den fallin asleep.....

a sleep from i wish i never woke up.....a sleep which i dunt think i will ever get again.....but i woke up.....and things did happened......things that i may tell u someday when i believe it myself......

".....I hate the ending myself,
But it started with an alright scene...."

-'Disenchanted',My Chemical Romance

Thru my camera lens!!

Sorry!!! I am no man of art.....for me M.F.Hussain is as significant as Einstein's GTR to my messwallah!!

I never been to an art gallery.....even watchin Drona for 2 times sounds far lucrative!!

neither do i justify billions wasted on auction of a few relics of art!!

But this few days of celebration in Kolkata proved me one thing....art is everywhere around u....u just need to look in a right manner....nd u will see its beauty....

Hence i take a backseat nd let my camera guide you through this amazing kaleidoscope of culture, art and enthusiasm dat tells me one thing.....

somewhere down the line I m proud to be a bong....




This amazing piece of pandal art signifies the value of time....and its history


















Maybe this could answer those hopeless fundamentalist....god is a concept of inner self...and can be presented however u feel he is....
This is the modern take of the goddess of Shakti
















Beauty is truth, truth beauty - that is all, Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

--John Keats















An attempt to save our ancient art of mask.....anyways ppl nowadays r bold enuf.....to crush da progress of society...nd nt even ask for a mask(read Mamata Bannerjee)



























God doesnt have to be someone larger than life....it is something u can recognize wid.....she can be just another woman





























This pandal was a wonderful piece of ceramic art....wid broken china pieces....one that i will remember for a very long time
















The doors of devil sometimes lead to god.....but its important to overcome your fear































Just gave me the feeling of being in wonderland.....and all this was made up...believe it or not!!

Sometimes i feel non-violence is not that bad afterall....

Dint quite understood wat it meant....but watevr it was....it was gorgeous....
















This made me think...why we always thought god to be fair skinned!!.....deep down in heart are we people as liberal as we portray ourselves????



























Maybe all good things are supposed to end...so here we are saying adios with a bit of sweet and bit of colour....







Maybe somewhere down the line I regret being a bong.....i regret all those lost years....wid this magnitude of talent i regret of wat we cud hav done if we had the right light to show path!!

Shubho Bijaya!!

A view from my window

Sometimes all u need is a view.....sometimes all u get is a view..... so in this 10 feet by 5 feet room of mine....all i have is this lovely view....and to this view i dedicate this poem....ahem....attempt of mine....


I sit beside my window,
in the breaking daylight.
The sun rises from the mist,
with some hope,and a little pride.

I sit beside my window,
from dawn to dusk.
In the early morning chill,
in the late afternoon lull.

I sit beside my window,
to watch time pass by,
an occasional hello,
an awaiting goodbye.

I sit beside my window,
in search of my love.
My eyes on the horizon,
my hopes in my heart.

I sit beside my window,
and watch people fight.
In anger of revenge,
wats wrong, wats right!

I sit beside my window,
watching my city skyline.
Where a million dreams break,
in the glittering neon shine.

I sit beside my window,
when the kingdom fall.
Where the pawns die,
at the master's call.

I sit beside my window,
in the full moon night.
In search of stars,
lost specks of light.

I sit beside my window,
with a wish to write,
the glimpses from my window,
in the limit of my sight.

The Mosquito-Murderer

"Trivial things do matter... more people are killed each year by the bite of mosquitoes than are stepped upon by charging elephants."

Thou after 2 months of stay in hall-7, i have learned da value of joint family....hence i dunt exactly mind the 549 species of insects inhabiting my body rite now.....

but still after all these years i cudnt come in terms wid one particular insect dat has always made things hard for me.....

yea they r the almighty mozzies(ok u non-chetan-bhagat-fans!!! mosquitoes).....

maybe the first insect we indians come across starting frm our birth in dingy i-am-doin-a-favour-on-u-hospital rooms....mosquitoes remains an integral part of our life thruout....

from those early red patches of mosquito bites to those swimming angels in ur much needed cup of tea..dey frustrate u in every possible way.....

dont u recall the sense of relief nd calmness u felt wen u squashed those tiny devils in ur hands......

dint u felt those sadist pleasures seein ur mosquito choke to death in those deadly Mortein coil fumes.....

nd dont u remember the desperation wen the mozzie u were chasing just cuts out of ur reach to reach the ceiling....nd gives those devil's grin to u....

but believe it  or not....dey have helped us in many ways making us wat we r today....

may be i can just list a few:

1> they r the messengers who r 1st 2 inform u in the darkness of the nite...dat ur fan is not working....nd u  better not try to sleep

2> wid every mozzie we kill...they gives us hope that we can fight evil nd win.....

3> nd wid the next badge of mozzies arriving....it brings bak u to reality....tht point 2 was just a hope not a possibility

4> They gives us our 1st lesson of killing....1st taste of power over the weak

may not be da best insect to live with....but i have learned my ways.....atleast they dunt retort wen i vent my anger on dem.....

so wen i see one lying dead near me due to my wrath....i feel maybe somehow this mosquito is da better one out of us....atleast it dint asked for a reason....dint argued....dint manipulated.....

just accepted da law of nature.....the big dominates the small......bullies it nd ultimately kills it......

ppl say......mosquitoes r a burden on earth....gud for nothing.....hence they reason tht its better we kill dem.....

but we forget dat wat gud r we for??? nd who gave us da rite to claim our land as our own.....

i dunt feel guilty....nd maybe i will keep killing dem nd i m sure u will too.....we hav "graver"concerns to attend in our life......

but yes....given a chance i wud wish things werent this way....maybe something better cud hav been worked out by god.....

A cup of Tea, plate of Maggi,nd a poached egg

"At the stroke of the midnight hour, while the world sleeps, India will awaken to life and freedom,"

-Jawaharlal Nehru, (either president or prime minister of India...am not sure coz am drunk!!)

But never mind...we NITians won’t be present to awaken to so called "life nd freedom"...coz we will definitely be busy munchin at the night canteen....

so lemme tell u a story......

dere was dis guy far off in da land of foods.....his mom used to cook good good things for him....but it was never able to tantalize his taste buds....he thought he was meant for higher food....

until one sad day he was bought nd left to da hands of this demon mess-wala.....

he laughed nd laughed nd laughed....until he forgot why was he laughing.....

nd den began da days of peril......every mornin he was acidified wid those oil parathas(ok ok...also a bit of flour)....

den followed da lunches of devil's dal....conspicuous karelas....

he wasnt even spared of those "chee"ken at da dinner...

but he beard dat wrath silently......nd prayed to god for a messiah.....but he felt his prayer went unheard...he even tried to suicide by gulpin down a whole bowl of dal in one day....

den one nite...after da darkness covered every possibility of lite....

messiah arrived....armed wid is stove nd frying pan....he cam ridin thru in his cycle.....

his face glowed wid benevolence...or was it sweat....

nd he bought wid him.....our dreams....
dis guy felt da presence f messiah...nd ws drawn towards him.....

nd den he heard those magic words...."kya chahiye.....maggi ya bread omelet, ya fir lobster in oyester sauce"......(ok u got me i was kiddin!!)

he settled for a maggi....nd he saw how dis magic cook....made 5 plates of maggi frm just one packet......
by now dis guy mesmerized had no doubt abt his capabilities...

do he began to eat his plate of maggi....nd wat a experience it was coz by da time his fork reached da plate....it was empty...all he cud see was his frnds lickin their fingers....

but da messiah saw his plight nd gave him another plate....dis time....he tasted da elixir of NIT....it was lke nothing else u hav ever tasted before(maybe a bit like maggi,but nothin else dan dat)

nd satisfied he thought dat yes.....i do hav reasons to live.....

so he turned to leave da nite canteen nd face da world wid a new front...wen da messiah called frm behind...

"saab.....30 rupaiye(Rs.30) hue"

nd frm dat day onwards...his dad awaits a messiah to fill up his sons depleting bank balance....

Loving to Love

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."


-St. Augustine,Captain Corelli's Mandolin


Does love fades away......or does it grows stronger wid time???

Does it loses da initial awkwardness...or does it gains da required stability?...

Does it brings a end of possibilities.....or opens doors for a new set of dream.....

Maybe everyone of us asks one of dis question at one point or other in life...today after a year of being in dis bliss full state i hav to decide am i happier dan before or it never actually changed anything.....

My frnds says i hav wasted my precious independence.....i have got myself struck in some un needed obligations......

maybe dey r rite frm dere way....but still wen i close my eyes to imagine a life widout her...all i face is void....

means how cud i deny those moments of warmth.....those trusts made ,broken,nd mended....

those glances of assurance.......nd words of confidence.......

wen i close my eyes i cal still feel her warm sweats in my palm......clutchin me afraid to loose....

i can feel her tears markin every moment of joy nd pain.....

yes da dependency is an obligation......but da faith is a gift....

yes da dreams have changed course....but dey haven't deserted me......now i can dream for two......

yes dere r moments of arrogance....but dey follows those moments of reconciliation.....

yes, i may have my strings attached but somewhere at da end of they day.....these strings hold me in place.....

and after all this i can say i have enjoyed all da moments i faced.....we faced.....

we may hav lost da spark.....but we did lit da fire.....

Here I Am !

"The distinction between children and adults, while probably useful for some purposes, is at bottom a specious one, I feel. There are only individual egos, crazy for love. "

--Don Barthelme

So its 1 year nd countin.....

1 year of initial awkwardness....1 year of standin in line for loo bettin which will come out first....da guy in da toilet or.....errrr leave it.....

1 year of transporting literally afternoon shit thru oesophagus...havin hope dat things will change one day.....
1 year of sneakin into night canteen widout frnds knowledge....nd burnin tongues wid hot Maggi....
1 year of rushin collge wid swollen eyes...nd promisin oneself....2morow i m gonna wake up early......
1 year of losing da privilege 2 change pants behind close doors.....

but after things did change......abt 365 days ago.....i was da guy who went to bed eagerly by now coz he had to catch his train next day to go home for weekend...for da very 1st time....he was super excited....he planned his 2 days of exile......he lived every moment of it.....

but 2day in da darkness of da nite...1 year nd numerous weekend at home later.....he is a bit reluctant 2 go bak to home dis weekend.....
he is bit reluctant to leave late day sleep of da cumin weekend.....he is reluctant to leave his internet connectivity(thou its shitty!!!) nd downloading movies frm LAN......

he will miss his weekend dining out.....nd surely being wid his frnds 24X7......

so this guy thinks.....is it da change he was sure will never come.....is it da beginnin of his tru adulthood....his true independence.....time....wen he will come out of dat unseen cocoon of teenager to be all alone in da facing race of life wid eagerness.....or is it being da selfish guy who will leave behind his past, his parents in his race of adventure, stunt of friendship....

is he losin his past or is he gainin a new future.....

why i dunt feel those butterflies in my stomach which i felt 1 year i ago.....i see dat same guy in mirror...am i grown up....or i m trying to be....or am i avoiding to be.....

its been 1 year of every damn thing.....but it has been da best 1 year of my life......i found my direction.....i found my friends.....i found my most precious gift of my life....which i intend keepin all my life....if da gift intends to bear wid me.....

So here i am today wat i intended to be yesterday!!

Hopeless in Hostel

Sittin half nude....wid a laptop constantly plottin against ur potency...in a 7 by 7 feet room which is shared by a by-now-in-dreamland roommate....dere r too possibilities....

either i m in a really gud prison or a really shitty hostel.....but wats da difference.....

So welcome to NIT Rourkela.....mah college....oops institute....oops...watever..

thou by now....any fellow hostilities readin dis post mite be givin me i-kno-wat-ur-goin-thru look...all i can say is dat...dude....u dunt kno...

only hostilities worse dan us r waitin for dere body parts to be cut by some manic wannabe surgeon...but at least dey got a movie made for dem

we do have facilities,better nd unlike any other place....but rarely does dat facilities...facilitate us:

1>we do have toilets....ample of dem....but our institute believes...cleanin ur hands is more important dan ur ass...so either u can hav smelly butts or u hav to impossible gymnastics on washbasin....err...i hop u got it....

2>again we do have geysers.....but again...we believe in burnin ur skin for once and all....rather den cleanin dem regularly....

3>we hav bath cubicles(cant xactly call bathrooms)....but ppl have to understand...bathroom is da place where we bath...nd garbage bin is da place where we throw garbage...dey r both completely different.....

4>i cant also complain abt our mess....its gud....but dey shud kno we dunt quite like those dead flies toppins...

5>also u shud kno our insti is expandin nd introducin new courses....but i may request dem to keep da insects in their custody until zoology courses start...they can be allotted halls later...we dunt particularly njoy there company...they r quite gayish nd attempt kissin us unasked for...

6>i can understand dat we hav to learn adjustin to all kind of cuisines....but egg-water curry....ndchappati disks...are not a cuisine...accrdn to internet.....

7>nd even thou blood donation is noble thing to do...but can u ask ur volunteer mosquitoes to be less frequent?


So all in all its not dat bad afterall....isnt it???

but all i need to ask is to da Jain guys dat...if u think ur doin hardship nd will attain salvation....wat da fuck are we doin....???

Backpack To Nature

“For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move.”

- following those words of Robert Louis Stevenson......one fine day me nd my frnds jumped out in search of new lands.....

Thou by da time we reached railway station....we discarded the possibilities of going top Hawaii or Switzerland or Austria....mainly because they r tourist spot not traveller's destination....nd maybe also becoz we hav lill cash left wid us......

So we settled for da more exotic Shantiniketan....

Giving u da brief details about da place....Shantiniketan("home of peace") was founded by Rabindranath Tagore....and....ok forget it...its all crap!!!!

Hence we hopped on the next available train....nd after 3 hrs of duel....we reached our destination!!

As we r not quite used to shabby living conditions we booked into da only 7-star resort available dere....and jumped out on da streets to reality....

So crossin da fields....jumping over da mud....nd ultimately landing on cow dung...we reached da home of da poet Rabindranath Tagore....

And the only thing i can say is.....why da fuck am i studying engineering and not writing poems....

means if u can make bungalows of ur own and live life king size by selling poem books...thts outrageous....

so we came back dazed....so much...tht people mistook us as ghosts and kept running away from us.....i hope we werent dat scary....it was just we were shocked....

next day...we had more financial concerns worrying us.....and i still cudnt figure....how come a bread omelet can cost 8 rupees.....and was i been cheated....

but anyways i was quite satisfied by the arrangement our resort made for sight seeing.....it was a double deck open roof limousine as they told us....but I thought it resembled the luggage top of a public bus.....but watever it was fun!!

and den it was shopping time....thou i dint indulged in shoppin but its always fun to encourage ur frnds to waste money on something.....isnt it!!

and after dis hard day we relaxed down....in our personal saloon on da returnin home.....thou we asked da railway personnel why they gave us hard wooden seats instead of cushion in other compartments....

they explained that it was specially designed for rich people so dat we dont have spondalitis and remain healthy....

Thou still now i dunt kno.....why dat guy who was begging on the station was sharing the seat wid me???!!

The Great Indian Robbery- 1

Call it theft....call it robbery......or be the modernized scam......all in all its da same.......

Theft has been the identity character of India throughout history nd mythology..... frm da theft of loaf of bread to kingdoms.....we had been really gud at it.....

but thruout the question always remained ....who has been the best at it.....who made The Great Indian Robbery possible....

So out here I am rating top five mythological nd historical theft as of my knowledge(which i kno is really shitty)...nyways.... who cares!!!

"DECLARATION: All da events listed below are best of my historical nd mythological knowledge(haha!! as if i have any)..... nd has no resemblance to ny character living, dead or in coma!! So pls dunt mind.....nd if u do be happy coz u atleast got a mind to mind....."

So 1stly da top 5 mythological lochas:

5>Ramayana:Its OK to steal a pen....a car....a house maybe.....at most a person's whole property....but how about stealing a whole mountain.....Ok hanuman-da.....i understand u needed a herb...but better consult Google about how da herb luks dan bringin out da whole mountain...suppose ur family is plannin holiday in Ooty nd somebody cums nd tells u, u cant go to Ooty, it just now got stolen......ridiculous!!!

4>Ramayana: Kaikai stealin da rights of kingdom frm Rama for her son.....means with teary eyes nd hunger strike u deceive da king get da kingdom for ur son is not fair.....our MamataBannerjee does it all the time.....nobody even gave her a gud flat in kolkata leave alone government....

3>Mahabharata:Our very own Shakuni Mama stealing all frm da sweet Panadavas.....again....wat da heck....ya ya i kno u won it in a fair game of gamblin....but i have also studied Probability in +2....nd if u played fair.....wont u thing Daniel Ocean wud have taken u instead of other 10 Hollywood stars....wud have been cheaper.....

2>Mahabharata: Mr.Krishna.....ur da runners up.....man!!!.....u the mastermind of Ghee Ghotala....kept stealing thruout ur childhood nd the end u have a huge fan following.....how u manage it......our pickpockets need a serious lesson frm u......u rock

1>Ramayana: The dream of every Street Romeo....nd the benchmark of every Plastic surgeon.... u 10 headed cutie pie....stealing a gal frm a world class security system.....nd flying her off to Lanka nd dat also da gal of Shree Rama .......so Ravana ur da clear winner.....how in the hell u manage to hid ur 9 heads nd got a perfect sanyasi makeup.....our plastic surgeons r really baffled bout it......thts called real love......cummon everyone can pickup a dhanush nd shoot at some fish eye.....but kidnapping her off is kewl.....it takes real guts!!

Phew!!! Now dunt blame me....dis was the mythology supposed to teach us the better aspects of life.....nd it surely does!!!!

Thts da 1st installment of the Great Indian Robbery.....next time I will return wid da top five historical thefts....

nd if u think i missed some famous goof ups of our beloved Gods....be free to comment!!!

Rendezvous in Rickshaw

" rickshaw or ricksha
Pronounced: rick·sha

Noun

1. a small two-wheeled passenger vehicle pulled by one or two people, used in parts of Asia

2. a similar vehicle with three wheels, propelled by a person pedalling [Japanese jinrikisha] "

-This is da definition of the so called vehicle .....developed by gr8 love nd care by our neighbours...nd properly utilised by us.....


People who r frm "advanced" cities of India may not be quite acquainted wid either of the two kinds of these species.....but we in kolkata...have our bonding wid both...

So in a way of introducing u to it i can say....

they r kind-of tricycles....only difference is....here one hunger stricken being is responsible for carrying two fatballs frm one point to another widout some noticeable profit....

at the end of the day.....da fat balls put over them an extra layer of fat..which is peeled out of the famished body of da puller..... nature's perfect maths.....

but da amazing thing about it is this Japanese inventions after hundreds of years of stay in India has not been modified....even a bit.....

->it still have seats made in measure of those Japanese arse.....i dunt have any idea how our Indian fat butts manage to stick on dat.....

->dey do hav a foothold....but if our rickshaw puller dares to pull brake....da foothold ensures that no part of ur body is held bak....nd u skate down to mother earth....

->and the best thing they have is a pullover cover....thou it wont cover u frm neither rain nor American GPS enabled missile...but in India covers matters....


But wid all these "provisions" its still for all kolkatans the most favoured public transport...... a transport.....banning which can even cause our favoured government to overturn..... cause they have dere uses too:

1> in comin times then u will start gifting ur wife one ltr of petrol on anniversary in stead of a diamond pendent(coz ur wife always likes da most costly thng in market....watever it may be).....
human sweat will still get cheaper.....so a vehicle which runs on human sweat and also not urs ....is surely a necessity

2>we all at times luv to get wet in rain.....wat a better excuse dan got wet while coming in a rickshaw....wet ka wet and excuse ka excuse

3>next time ur child want to ride a animal....rickshaw can be fun ride for him......coz human is the only animal u can ride widout inviting Maneka auntie to ur home for dinner

4>and all those coo-chi-koo couples....i know how u feel wen da security guard watches u kissing ur galfrnd as if u r mixing saliva to make a new chemical bomb for Al-Queda......try it inside a rickshaw...peace guaranteed

5> OK u fat asses.....i have some thing for u too....rickshaw on kolkata roads is much better dan those African Sky Shop vibrators ( damn! i meant fat reducing vibrators....not da other ones)



So next time u see a Japanese.....thnk him on our behalf.....or at least enquire wats da secret of there microscopic arse!!

K-night fall

Sorry Sourav da......thou Shahrukh uncle is richer by 8 crores......and u at last have some award to add to ur old TV shelf(whose rusted key u mite be busy oiling now).....both of u did suffered frm the above titled syndrome...

".........And then to compound the ersatz feudal note, a fifth team called itself the Kolkata Knight Riders. When did knights last ride through the streets of Kolkata? Who dreams up these names, anyway?........"

-These were the words of Shashi Tharoor, Sunday Times editorial

Thou in my wildest dreams i cant imagine Jyoti Babu and his dhoti clad antiques(for obvious age reasons) of our very own CPM(Chauvinist Part of Murderers) ridin horses thru the streets of kolkata....

what matters more is those Nandigram "cadres" may have performed much better thn the lousy team u ppl selected......
I dunt blame Mr Shahrukh "Dard-e-disco" Khan.....he was nyways trained to be the bad boy of Hockey......

but wat went into our Ganguli-da's head....put some of me and those under performing novices and we can win those Royals out dere.......and yes tarka of Shohaib will be delicious too....

Can't blame those kiddos thou.....after Priety Zinta hugged her Kings after the victories....may be Shahrukh also provided dem wid similar kind of "lucrative" opportunities....who takes the risk....

But at da end be happy kolkata ppl.... :-

->we have one more shahrukh song for ur new ipod ( oh no.....now dunt think i m flaunting my new 80 GB classic ipod)

->we have a state rich wid gold reserves ....in next season shahrukh is also planning platinum pubic gaurd....

->we at last have something better to reply to Punjabi's "chakde"......and "korbo lorbo jitbo" sounds inspirational.....

->we have da most kewl luking jersey and thou Rbk pinches ur pocket u can still get them easily frm our esplanade markets....who knows.....and thou u will luk dumb on streets....did u thought u lukd smarter earlier

->nd next time during team selection change ur name as some McMukherjee or McChatterjee....and tada....u will find urself in middle of Eden wid we throwing eggs on u.....

INDIA: Million mutinies now

"India is one of the most hot and sweaty country one can ever see.....and if that was not all people dere is also hairy......

they have hair .....here there and everywhere.......
so when god were making Indians.....he was in mood for fun.....he called all his mates and told...... look i m going to send dis species to the most fucking hot place on earth....and just.....just for fun.....i am gonna make them hairy......"

---Those were the words of Russell Peters.....Canadian cum Indian stand up comedian

So welcome to India:

a country...where u cant enter from the north widout displacing one guy....at da south India into da ocean.....
and after u get in....the guy who is by now half drowned in the water.....snorts at u and says....."haha.....now u r the loooser"

a country....where government uses fresh...pollution free air to kill people....coz we r adapted to smog pretty well now.....

So have u ever thought wat went wrong wid we ppl just below the Himalayas....tht we suddenly started procreating our own species like sum kinda "zygote revolution"....

cummon.....luk at countries like Afganisthan...Khazagistan....and all those Bullshit-sthans......where a group of more than 3 ppl is sighted....its national news....

I doubt its all due to China......they must hav given us a challenge....."lets see u Indians niggers.....u ppl r anyways lousy in producing electronic goods....so atleast.....procreate humans faster dan us".And by da time we r on the way to win da challenge....they snort at us like dat by-now-already-drowned-south-Indian,
"Haha fools....u forgot to notice that ur country is not so large as us and ur overloaded"

But who knew....we Indians has already knew of a better plan.....they had bribed Columbus to find a country of dumber ppl.....and parcelled half of the population dere disguised as engineers.....

So Chinese....keep pullin ur blunt nose....we r smarter!!!

Back 2 Bedlam

Its well said--"You never win the silver......u always lose the gold"- dunno who said it.......
I have always justified dis statement.......
by the way I m 'Satan'.....haha may not be the real one.....but believe me if a non-Asian tries pronouncing my name he will get 2 nothin better dan dis......

hence after loads of making and breaking of resolutions.....this one fine day i realize i have done nothin in my life......not even tried to bore nyone.....thus dis bold venture......

I kno u dunt want to kno any damn thing abt me....but why shud i care.....its my blog.....get ur ass out of here and surf porn if u dunt wanna read ny further....

but all about me I wanna say is dat.... I m not a loser......hence dat starting quote:

I m kinda guy who just before reaching the finishing line realizes.....oh fuck, why am i running?....and by the time the i get bak to my goal.....its all messed up......

So i m basically a guy......who is just a bit less successful than his parents expectation.......just 2 inches shorter dan his girlfriends expectation......has hair just few inches longer than da relatives expectation......is bit less serious dan my frnd's expectation.....bit less cordial dan "elders" expectation.....nd a bit more boring dan ur expectation.......

I m da guy.....who u see and u cant exactly place in any particular category......

nd dis is my blog....where i will discuss almost nythin......frm politics to poultry......frm life to laundry......frm endurance to envy.....(cant help.....they just rhymed well!!)